helsar on Xanga

Distressed Overweight

Wednesday, 30 September 2009

loads

FED UP AH

may the force be with you

Thursday, 17 September 2009

''Seasonal'' Vegetables

Ahh yes, i will be having my next 13 weeks in the Suntec Convention Banquet Kitchen
So, Rejoice/Disdain if you will, let me list down the following limitations.

-6 day working week, i get to choose which WEEKDAY to get the off. (tentatively, unless God intervenes)
-Shifts
-No Pay / Allowance
-Overtime transport fees will be paid by the company if you work OT.
-You have to make up for your lost time, if you produce an MC. Working extra time on the next following days.

This is the scary industry that I am trudging into. Surprisingly i'm not feeling the least worried, maybe i have learnt to COUNT ON GOD? lol, or maybe i don't really care anymore and i'll just let the days pass and pass until i get the diploma and decide what to do with it to continue with my life.

But knowing that the experience of the next 13 weeks is going to be quite intensive yet enriching, I will let God do his stuff.Knowing that I will not be seeing or feeling the likes Sundays and Saturdays for 13 weeks will not be very helpful, as in it is not going to be encouraging for me. Seasons Seasons Seasons, thats the most i can rant about anyway, because like it or not He put me in this situation. Also, this means i may need to join Alpha ._. . . .. . . . .. .. . .. ... . .. .
Which means i will have to smoothen some edges with some bros and sisterz....

Super tired. Ultimately, it was and has always been God.

Monday, 14 September 2009

In the interior

A lot has been happening. A lot. I am lazy to type it out.

I won't be bothered with schoolmates anymore, i'm taking it easier for the next term, cause my practicum's gonna be at suntec convention, but its going to be a 6 days thing though, 13 weeks. No youth, loathe classmates. SKR3W SK00L

I try to see it in a more mature way but, there seems to be headaches and problems arising in almost everywhere. Not to mention in places where, initially i thought, a place where i could really find a lightening joy and fulfillment. I will put this in my pocket for the moment. haha

Catching up with your best friend(s) can be quite gratifying, when they literally pour out to you about their wants/needs, entertainment consoles, life's problems, boyfriend/girlfriend problems, feels awesome when you can rise above and can confirm that you have, in turn share with them your current life in Christ and how He has helped in all that. Well I chained that for... 3 days in a matter of 5 days.

Life in Christ is no longer about, needing girlfriends (NOTE: needing), getting high scores, hardcore gaming, fitting in, pointlessly self-fulfill yourself in things that you do best. Its a life where battles come, where you commit oneself to be a more wholesome and 'cleaner' person. I ask some people, why be bad when you can try to be good? For me, i don't care how immature my answer is to you, but as for me, we don't have to follow the crowd, just because we are born sinful, live sinful, means we are to or can continue to be that way. Amongst all the alcoholics, bullies and influence, is it a 'when you can't beat them join them' scenario for you? Or is it about being different, going through the hardship. I just feel there is something different about those (us) that wants and continually chooses the correct and Godly decisions. (feels like something out of naruto lol)

Its a lonesome life when others that don't know the Lord look at you and when they see you believing in something that they think that doesn't exist. Because they don't see the inner joy and lightedness. (probably 3/4 of everyone else doesn't see half of the things on the inside anyway)

What matters the most is that, someone so powerful choose to love things thats below him, like.. feeding and giving some clothes to ants, make sure they work super hard for the king/queen ant's glory.

ya lah, i won't be bothered by what people think of my posts anymore, i'll just WANT to mature and continually be considerate. just that it is super loser that so many people know

'YAHWEH TO THE MAX'

Monday, 31 August 2009

Ungodly week 9

I am approaching the end of my school term, right now in my current situation, I am getting used to the nonsense that i used to hate from my class. But after i declared that I wished to graduate earlier, they kind of got the message I was telling them, like 'hello class! I absolutely DESPISE you all! =D'

After the results from the 1st term were distributed out, there were gangsters complaining and I tell you, you can laugh your ass off at their failure extents. Like, who the heck gets 0.3 for their GPA? That is what you can usually (nowadays) expect from an ang kong gangster. Oh yes and I have like studied the actions of different species of gangsters, there are those who just like tattoos, there are those who goes to daiso just to try the hats on and take photos with them and there are those who try to be funny, at the same time being very irksome.

For example, check out my facebook page, you will see that recently he took my IC (without permission, of course) and took a photo of it and posted it on my wall. This happens to be one of the worst persons I have ever met so far, because, I don't know what the heck he wants, he's just walking around and aggravating the life out of everyone else and half of the time he's just telling me that he wants to be a good person. In another instance, upon looking at my phone inbox (without permission, of course) he's trying to get to know the girls that he has seen in my inbox, which they happen to be in church. It's like super loser species of person that you can think of, honestly. He is also the reason why I wanted to put a security pin code on my handphone.

I LOATHE MY CLASS

Sometimes right, if they get out of hand, things cannot be left 'live and let live'. Yeah, I have no intention whatsoever to actually change my mindset of my class. But they belong to someone else much Greater, it is just that He teaches me how to put up with crap and helps me to carry on. I know my flesh doesn't want to save these people, but my spirit wants to save the entire world.

Sadly, there are no devotions..

Monday, 24 August 2009

Your typical day of school, with some gangsters.

Yes, so i came clean with the gangsters in class. After multiple requests from them do apparently help them complete their speech, i have reluctantly agreed. One of the reasons being a pushover in class, but i know that they can't hurt me because i am much more intellectually equipped and flinty enough to withstand physical hurt. So right now they know that i can't wait to graduate from school solely because of them. (at least i made it seem so)

Well, as usual my chef is being a moron just because i found out his friendster, bah, long story. So now he's provoking me with cling wraps that look like condoms and long and warm items, yes, that is my new chef for you. Looking at how messed up shatec is after 1.5 terms really allows me to observe how an isolated corner in Singapore(alone) can contrast with church life, and it is sad.

Also, my dad has carried out operation N.O.E.X.T.R.A.C.A.S.H, which means i am limited to the supply of money that is in my atm card which is deposited on a daily basis. It is NOT fun, i am not able to spawn money like i was able to anymore. Because i am 'overspending' and i have not mustered the testicular fortitude to approach my dad to compromise with an allowance proposal, simply because i know that what awaits me is a lot of after effect exasperation.

That is it for now, i owe my gangster classmates some speeches.

Wednesday, 19 August 2009

Post Post Feelings

I am feeling the residual stupid now. I am feeling the familiar weird stupid now. I think it was something i said. I think i made myself look like a confused person. I think i showed everyone that i simply just wanted everything. Like the NS people say, 'wake up your idea'. I owe it to Joshua again, he is a pro at this

Wednesday, 05 August 2009

My lord is changing my heart

Amidst the chest flickings, fat rants, knee to loin kicks, punches are sleeping Christians and my Lord's lost.
I must say, God is changing my heart, you know it when it eventuates. Yet I sin and indulge...... well, my Dad's gone till Saturday morning, something to at least, enjoy

Aside from that, i've been listening to this awesome chinese song, a lot and i must say that it probably one of the best songs i have ever heard, after Wang Lee Hom's kiss goodbye. Its a pretty good piece of literature if you look at its lyrics, if translated right, 'I really thought that I could touch the heart of the most beautiful rose, if I were to devote all my tears, having seen your beauty, whom else can I still love'

Sounds very secular and sickly sweet, but i am 'steady' enough to not be afflicted by its 'charm'

Definitely not for those who are still in the stage where their heart yells and yearns for lost love and amour, at the expense of jumbled up priorities like my christian bengzorz classmates and joshua kwan lol.. well, yes this is a 4.5/10 post for today.

Gooood night....

Tuesday, 04 August 2009

ATM madness

My dad is going to ban me from my atm card once i'm done with the remaining cash in my account. This means i have to ration my money, which also means living off Solo 3 food for the rest of my days with my atm card. Again this reminds me that this also means that i will have to ration 20 dollars over a period of 5 days now.

Good Game

Saturday, 01 August 2009

And it was once so..

DISCLAIMER: this is going to be a very gloomy post.

As a chef, you know time flies past in the most unique ways. You know it when time doesn't wait for anyone, when the wok is not slicky, the times when grandma used to deep fry a fish for the family. I chanced upon this just now when i made some fish and chips for myself with the wok, as i felt the inside of it, it felt almost clean, too clean. Grandma's health is deteriorating, her blood pressure is getting a little bit low.. She has lost the vibrant senior year look, she is pale. Not the happy grandma i used to get scolding from, not the usual grandma that i get annoyed from anymore. I missed the times, when my family would sit together, have a good dinner at about 7.30p.m..

Grandpa was a good family guy, he would observe the situation and just keep quiet. In private i would sneak into his room and ask him what was wrong and he would patiently explain.. gone were the days..

Grandpa used to use the kitchen a lot too, french toast, meat patties and hamburgers for breakfast, steamed bread and pancakes. Good old weekends, my K2 years. He used to love cooking, he had a stall in lorong 8 toa payoh, daily he brought back lamb chops, chicken chops, wings, fries... haha, gone were the days.. The spaghetti he had left for me to perfect, the spaghetti that my classmates came over for, the spaghetti with the good ol' quaint ingredients. Green peppers, minced beef and chicken combined, Kraft parmesan cheese. I had never missed it once when he made it, even Dad enjoyed it. Then, he just left. I used to have posts dedicated to my beloved grandfather, i deleted them because i knew that it would only bring me down. But, i owe it him. My love for food, for cooking, it will never die no matter how hard it is, because this is not just an ordinary sad story that people would tell to others for the purpose of triggering emotions, creating emotional bias. I know what i am talking about this time.

See me through, hold me Lord, i need you so much more now.

Friday, 31 July 2009

Bad decisions

It was a difficult friday morning for me, i awoke at 9.26, at the same time unable to accept the fact that i had to head to school today. My dad wasn't in Singapore, I have my room all to myself (again,finally). So what else could possibly be better than eating a good lorong 7 breakfast, with no one around to tell you off for being fat, and you get to enjoy whatever morning delights your allowance permits? At the moment, i couldn't be bothered to think any further and just went for a good 5 mins walk to lorong 7. Spent 8 dollocks on a plastic tupperware of beef noodles, simply awesome btw, assorted cheap bread buns, a popiah and a clear plastic bag of soya bean milk.

Then i remembered what the balance in my account was and it kind of exceeded what i was supposed to spend but what the heck, it is not everyday that i spend 8 bucks on breakfast...except on the past countless sundays before..lol

Yeah, so i washed some bowls when i got home, cleared the computer table of any leftover pieces of scrap paper, medicine sachets, receipts, double sided tape residue and kind of just, ate. At the same time i was watching fate stay night, unable to complete the easy task of 25 episodes in the series due to the constant damage hurled at me in the form of schoolwork. It was a very good half for a Friday.

I decided to skip menu planning at school, that also allowed me to chill at home for a further 3 hours. Which included: pwning digital AI girls at golf, having a lot of trouble on the pc due to its inability to provide good multimedia service and cope up with competent bandwidth, wondering about any tasks that i have left to do.

I left for school, got on the express bus, and daily i subject myself to depression, when the bus travels on the PIE it is inevitable to drive past the side of the Ngee Ann Poly campus, never would i fail to make myself think, why did you not make it in there, or rather, why are you not in a poly of sorts? So, even simple things like taking the bus, makes you regret a whole lot..also contributes to the title 'Bad Decisions'. Then on, the Friday started feeling uncomfortably bland..

Had hosting, having known that it is a disappointment that out of the 5 of you only 1(yours truly) is capable of producing non-gangsterish results in the subject of hosting, i try not to remind myself. And YES, i do the work myself, it so happened that i didn't really feel 'on' about doing the answers so i just sat there in class hoping that those other 4 tattooed bozos would actually attempt to contribute. It would also actually be helpful if they had informed me that the following assignment we had to do was like 30% of my hosting grade for the term. So i kind of messed up by letting them do the work, damn. The best they could produce was like a silly 2 sentence answer that they presented in front of the class. 2 sentences, 'great, there goes my good hosting rep' i thought in my mind.

Personally, I dont blame them, but it is just that they do not spare a thought at the times where it is most crucial..aiya, who am i kidding it is SHATEC we are talking about here.

Yeah, so i had absolutely NO idea why i decided to follow them to drink at Yew Tee. I will never ever drink again. Here is a fat boy, hoping for a good Friday evening to end it off with, with numerous other resolves he chooses to drink with his classmates. Absolutely legendary lol. I just got myself into a dumbass situation and like, ugh trust me having a hangover is no joke, I didn't get drunk, fortunately. But once i decided to leave the coffee shop right, i couldn't stand straight, i couldn't hold my handphone properly, my vision was blurrish and i tell you it feels as if you put on an extra schoolbag of weight. At the MRT station i could barely walk into the train carriage, i had this hypercharged headache that lasted for a good solid 35 minutes to the journey back to TPY. Also i reeked of sweat, cigarette smoke and alcohol, 'i had better repent'.

I reached at my doorstep after boarding a cab at the taxi stand, the hangover feeling was so intense that i couldn't imagine myself actually surviving the bus trip home. Crap, frukken crap, in the taxi it started feeling more and more unbearable. I could literally smell the contrast of my 'Ambi Pur Ocean Breeze' room scent and my 'Great Fat Sweat Essence' the moment i opened the door to my room. Like a drunk bull i freaking thrashed around the room, knocking over my nike waterbottle and accidentally colliding with all sorts of things in my room. Quickly i grabbed a towel and went to the toilet. After the shower that was supposed to make me feel better, i didn't. I consulted Dr. Joshua Kwan for further options to make myself feel better. Purging.

So i tried to vomit, Encounter Retreat style, if you got what i mean. hahaha.
I felt a lot better, but i looked sick red after i left the toilet. I felt super sinful and super stupid, at that moment i really deserved to be God-Slapped. Then i weeped bitterly on my bed at the same time asking God to forgive me of my crap... yeah..

Then i tried to live happily ever after.