God you are quite the joker.

I've really had enough of all these fake expectancies, you should stop playing with my days and let me do something for real.

Why do You like to screw around with almost every scenario man, dude.

CNY2 was bullshit, I've burnt my money, leaving like $50 for the rest of my days until payday, I got no idea how am I going to actually survive.
My sister is as weird as f, keeping her shoes, thinking that Dad cannot provide for her.
Why is there a sense that we are not well off? What the f is going on God? 

The scenarios get weirder and weirder, I start sacrificing things that I don't want to, thinking its the best for me.
You know me so much more than I myself can, but you just keep silent half of the time, either that or its just not the answers that I am really seeking for at the point of time.

I'm annoyed and totally struck with wtf-juice because if today wasn't intended to hurt me I don't know what it was for.
I'll admit this love I have is fake, but I only carried on striving because I was blindfolded. 

f-shit devil

Martin 

has been a while..

Apparently, I got really messed up inside when I finally saw the sister who was fighting cancer for so damn long.
well....shes in her final stage of cancer now. Still she can carry on, as I deliberately took glances at her during service, through the way she grasped her husband's hands, through the way she smiles and the way that she knows, if it is God's will, she will be taken to be by His side forevermore..

It really hit me really hard, I have a torn cartilage on my shoulder and i'm bragging on and on about how life already sucks for me at 19/20, whatever.. Oh lordy, during worship I got stirred, so stirred. 

If I had to leave, just like her, I would have wanted God to come and take me away at the pulpit, right there and then. No amount of prayers(perhaps) or words, or human encouragement really can sink deep in such a dilemma, it really isn't the matter of how much one can say but, what really IS the point of saying it? Its God and her now, truly, in a sense.

Letting go of everything that you have learnt to feel in the first place, the whole ideal of it is quite cruel to visualise..
A small gesture, of holding those warm palms for the last time, a last embrace from a loved one. I can't bring myself to imagine and not hurt whilst doing so..

Through this morning, I can feel the void in my heart that only God can fill. All I did was just put myself in her shoes, after I did, I realized I'm not worthy of saying or declaring anything about the difficulty of my current life. Whenever I need to wail or cry out loud to him on a regular basis, I picture God pointing to this lady and this sister, and me swallowing on the own very foolish words that I can bring myself to mutter just at that point of time.

Life is just opening me so much more to the journey it really is, to an eternal destination. And I have seen one on the verge this morning, spurring me into a very twisted yet semi-morbid discipline.

Whether if this is healthy or not, God, I feel like this. All the big talk about my given dreams and aspirations...they don't seem as important as they were anymore.

I pray for your love and your presence to caress that sister right now, in a way that she can feel it on this blasted place, God. I know she needs you, and you have been there for her to hold on to all this while....

My life is for you. Amen

Martin

well, my christmas sucked so far.

Mom's really being a bitch, Dad's being an ignoramus.

no plans, no family, nothing - and get this, im not even asking for presents.

what is MY christmas apart from just dressing up and looking real awesome?

I hope everyone had their nice christmas outings, I certainly didn't.

Worst thing is, im still fat...

 with a little less hope this time.
Martin

Person A has lived the past week, reliving the familiar political crap that persists in almost every establishment.

Person A is also wary of whatever that has been happening in his/her social circle.

Person A has finally made sense of the indecisiveness that has driven person B into such a mad frenzy.

Person A has rushed into something he/she should not have.

-

Who exactly is this person A? Well I know, but it's definitely not me. But I would be lying if I said it wasn't me in some point of time before. 

-

Moping around in the CD store packing Brunei standby equipments lately, ugly job, handling Agrofogs, detection devices, heavy cases of SCBA, air tanks.
Was quite a workout for me actually, but the administration is quite fearsome, whether it's labelling, doing logistics paperwork. I realized that as much as the Guards are 'Ready To Strike' we sure as hell are 'Ready to Store'
Got closer to some of my colleagues in the store, also fortunately brought about mediation to some dodgy issues that yours truly has got in his hands.

I'm heading to HK soon with Grouchman Ee, virgin trips overseas alone actually. Hopefully the gang arson over at Mongkok doesn't affect business around the area, cuz the place is actually a very very good place to 'wrench your mesos'
Other than that, looking forward to touch Christmas and Watchnight. I love December, but it really sucks if you don't have a group of friends or that significant individual you want to jio out. Well I definitely got one or rather- had one.

=/

Losing weight slowly, about to reach the 8x region, awesomely proud of myself. Things are going swell, yet to finish Wind Up Bird and probably buy OUT after i'm done.

Got a text, off to read it and to bail from this joint.
Martin 

Just finished a rather kickass book on love, sex, beautiful junctures of youth fantasies. 
Well this Japanese writer kind of blended everything as of above, ein wenig, some macabre.

I never thought that there was anyone that could describe the depths of what one's desires are, so well on pulp.
Oh believe me, the whole plot got me thinking.

Just substituting the characters made the whole read fun already, like, everyone wants to be that laid back SOAB that gets all the fun right?!
The main guy(Watanabe), basically is caught up between finding what everyone elses' norms of love, was after experiencing what making love really was about.
Sex is actually just, plain sex, sensations, whatever human. However satisfied, Watanabe was always left broken, although not often expressed, OR leaving poor hot stuff Naoko and Midori broken in his place.
The way Naoko talks cock with Watanabe was portrayed so naturally and wanting in the meadows, the progression would only leave you to want to jack off, or tear a bit. That is, depending on the ferocity of your individual hormonal seasons. 

If I were to continue, this whole point of a post would just be like a report, lol I don't exactly want that to happen. 

Proceeding, whatever that was left of the characters, was probably only himself and another lady. Rest of them just got unfortunate endings. *shrugs*

Has been a while since I placed a post here, also has been a while since I had a good read. Still stunned by the stupid cliff hanger, DAMN IT Haruki.
Like I said, I was thinking, that sort of love strung onto pages of a book is just fantasy-fish like, mysterious zebras and disappearing elephants, so to speak.
I must admit, I've tried to plot my own stage of constructing a lovestory, didn't really turn out as it was. Turns out this book was quite an avenue of release.

Was just allowed my first private haircut last Thursday! Haha, looking lesser like a noob now, with REAL HAIR!! (Touch Me Here!)
Getting on with life, losing weight, baking my abs. 

I need to go for a run now, I'll just put a nice extract from the book about my beautiful, yet dark and twisted kind of love I kind of barely cling on to.

"The problem was that I could never explain these developments to Naoko...and besides, I still loved Naoko. 
As twisted as that love might be, I did love her. Somewhere inside me there was still preserved a broad, open space, untouched, for Naoko and no one else. "

I have a feeling the format will screw up. Still, the last quote really got me.
DAMN IT Haruki, you beat me to it. More than 10 years ago somemore!

MY NAOKO LEH?!
Martin 

God you are quite the joker.

I've really had enough of all these fake expectancies, you should stop playing with my days and let me do something for real.

Why do You like to screw around with almost every scenario man, dude.

CNY2 was bullshit, I've burnt my money, leaving like $50 for the rest of my days until payday, I got no idea how am I going to actually survive.
My sister is as weird as f, keeping her shoes, thinking that Dad cannot provide for her.
Why is there a sense that we are not well off? What the f is going on God? 

The scenarios get weirder and weirder, I start sacrificing things that I don't want to, thinking its the best for me.
You know me so much more than I myself can, but you just keep silent half of the time, either that or its just not the answers that I am really seeking for at the point of time.

I'm annoyed and totally struck with wtf-juice because if today wasn't intended to hurt me I don't know what it was for.
I'll admit this love I have is fake, but I only carried on striving because I was blindfolded. 

f-shit devil

Martin 

has been a while..

Apparently, I got really messed up inside when I finally saw the sister who was fighting cancer for so damn long.
well....shes in her final stage of cancer now. Still she can carry on, as I deliberately took glances at her during service, through the way she grasped her husband's hands, through the way she smiles and the way that she knows, if it is God's will, she will be taken to be by His side forevermore..

It really hit me really hard, I have a torn cartilage on my shoulder and i'm bragging on and on about how life already sucks for me at 19/20, whatever.. Oh lordy, during worship I got stirred, so stirred. 

If I had to leave, just like her, I would have wanted God to come and take me away at the pulpit, right there and then. No amount of prayers(perhaps) or words, or human encouragement really can sink deep in such a dilemma, it really isn't the matter of how much one can say but, what really IS the point of saying it? Its God and her now, truly, in a sense.

Letting go of everything that you have learnt to feel in the first place, the whole ideal of it is quite cruel to visualise..
A small gesture, of holding those warm palms for the last time, a last embrace from a loved one. I can't bring myself to imagine and not hurt whilst doing so..

Through this morning, I can feel the void in my heart that only God can fill. All I did was just put myself in her shoes, after I did, I realized I'm not worthy of saying or declaring anything about the difficulty of my current life. Whenever I need to wail or cry out loud to him on a regular basis, I picture God pointing to this lady and this sister, and me swallowing on the own very foolish words that I can bring myself to mutter just at that point of time.

Life is just opening me so much more to the journey it really is, to an eternal destination. And I have seen one on the verge this morning, spurring me into a very twisted yet semi-morbid discipline.

Whether if this is healthy or not, God, I feel like this. All the big talk about my given dreams and aspirations...they don't seem as important as they were anymore.

I pray for your love and your presence to caress that sister right now, in a way that she can feel it on this blasted place, God. I know she needs you, and you have been there for her to hold on to all this while....

My life is for you. Amen

Martin

well, my christmas sucked so far.

Mom's really being a bitch, Dad's being an ignoramus.

no plans, no family, nothing - and get this, im not even asking for presents.

what is MY christmas apart from just dressing up and looking real awesome?

I hope everyone had their nice christmas outings, I certainly didn't.

Worst thing is, im still fat...

 with a little less hope this time.
Martin

Person A has lived the past week, reliving the familiar political crap that persists in almost every establishment.

Person A is also wary of whatever that has been happening in his/her social circle.

Person A has finally made sense of the indecisiveness that has driven person B into such a mad frenzy.

Person A has rushed into something he/she should not have.

-

Who exactly is this person A? Well I know, but it's definitely not me. But I would be lying if I said it wasn't me in some point of time before. 

-

Moping around in the CD store packing Brunei standby equipments lately, ugly job, handling Agrofogs, detection devices, heavy cases of SCBA, air tanks.
Was quite a workout for me actually, but the administration is quite fearsome, whether it's labelling, doing logistics paperwork. I realized that as much as the Guards are 'Ready To Strike' we sure as hell are 'Ready to Store'
Got closer to some of my colleagues in the store, also fortunately brought about mediation to some dodgy issues that yours truly has got in his hands.

I'm heading to HK soon with Grouchman Ee, virgin trips overseas alone actually. Hopefully the gang arson over at Mongkok doesn't affect business around the area, cuz the place is actually a very very good place to 'wrench your mesos'
Other than that, looking forward to touch Christmas and Watchnight. I love December, but it really sucks if you don't have a group of friends or that significant individual you want to jio out. Well I definitely got one or rather- had one.

=/

Losing weight slowly, about to reach the 8x region, awesomely proud of myself. Things are going swell, yet to finish Wind Up Bird and probably buy OUT after i'm done.

Got a text, off to read it and to bail from this joint.
Martin 

Just finished a rather kickass book on love, sex, beautiful junctures of youth fantasies. 
Well this Japanese writer kind of blended everything as of above, ein wenig, some macabre.

I never thought that there was anyone that could describe the depths of what one's desires are, so well on pulp.
Oh believe me, the whole plot got me thinking.

Just substituting the characters made the whole read fun already, like, everyone wants to be that laid back SOAB that gets all the fun right?!
The main guy(Watanabe), basically is caught up between finding what everyone elses' norms of love, was after experiencing what making love really was about.
Sex is actually just, plain sex, sensations, whatever human. However satisfied, Watanabe was always left broken, although not often expressed, OR leaving poor hot stuff Naoko and Midori broken in his place.
The way Naoko talks cock with Watanabe was portrayed so naturally and wanting in the meadows, the progression would only leave you to want to jack off, or tear a bit. That is, depending on the ferocity of your individual hormonal seasons. 

If I were to continue, this whole point of a post would just be like a report, lol I don't exactly want that to happen. 

Proceeding, whatever that was left of the characters, was probably only himself and another lady. Rest of them just got unfortunate endings. *shrugs*

Has been a while since I placed a post here, also has been a while since I had a good read. Still stunned by the stupid cliff hanger, DAMN IT Haruki.
Like I said, I was thinking, that sort of love strung onto pages of a book is just fantasy-fish like, mysterious zebras and disappearing elephants, so to speak.
I must admit, I've tried to plot my own stage of constructing a lovestory, didn't really turn out as it was. Turns out this book was quite an avenue of release.

Was just allowed my first private haircut last Thursday! Haha, looking lesser like a noob now, with REAL HAIR!! (Touch Me Here!)
Getting on with life, losing weight, baking my abs. 

I need to go for a run now, I'll just put a nice extract from the book about my beautiful, yet dark and twisted kind of love I kind of barely cling on to.

"The problem was that I could never explain these developments to Naoko...and besides, I still loved Naoko. 
As twisted as that love might be, I did love her. Somewhere inside me there was still preserved a broad, open space, untouched, for Naoko and no one else. "

I have a feeling the format will screw up. Still, the last quote really got me.
DAMN IT Haruki, you beat me to it. More than 10 years ago somemore!

MY NAOKO LEH?!
Martin